doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize