It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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