we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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