u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
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I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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