Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
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Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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