he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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