I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize