Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I forget how to act sober
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