I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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