You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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