you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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