Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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