1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize