Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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