just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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