i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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