Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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