My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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