At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize