Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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