If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize