I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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