Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize