dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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