I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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