"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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