I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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