i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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