and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize