So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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