Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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