at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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