I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize