Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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