So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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