I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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