i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize