At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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