Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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