i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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