from now on my penis is your penis
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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