that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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