apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Panties = found
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