do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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