No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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