Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I bet he comes in French.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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