so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
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You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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