No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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