i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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