My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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